The first time I thought about my weight, I was 9 years old I stood in the mirror and looked at my innocent body Instead of seeing the legs that carried me on adventures and eyes that saw the world I saw a round stomach and too thick arms My hatred for myself began to [...]
I live in a bigger body. I’m round. Plump. Rotund. Chubby. Fat. Whatever words you like to use, I live in a body that is not of a socially acceptable size. And this has so many consequences that have nothing to do with me or with my health. People like to tell me it doesn’t [...]
“It’s just a tick, nothing to be worried about,” these are the words my family doctor said to me about the age of 11. I wasn’t sure why it was happening, but I knew enough to tell my mom that I needed it checked. With no answers at that time, that also meant there was [...]
For years, I kept my struggles with depression hidden away. I was embarrassed. I was afraid. I didn’t want to burden people. I didn’t want anyone to think I was flawed, or weak, or crazy. It made me feel truly alone. But then, I met a few other people willing to open up about the [...]
*Trigger warning: eating disorders. I recently watched the Netflix movie “To the Bone”. So many people had told me how great it was. They were people who don’t know that I am recovering from an Eating Disorder. I tried to approach the movie with an open mind. It turned out to be yet another narrative [...]
There was an attic in the house that I grew up in. I first noticed it the day my dad lowered the staircase and ascended into a new part of the house. As I grew below, I imagined what must lay beyond that upside down door. As soon as I was tall enough, I’d jump [...]
Have you ever asked yourself what your inner child wants you to do? Do you ever have moments where you really want to do something and know you shouldn't and you do it anyway? Or moments when you do NOT want to do something and do it anyway? Or you just can't decide which to [...]
To those I love, It’s back. The enemy I’ve tried so hard to defeat. The battle I’ve been fighting since I was thirteen. Depression. You know, it’s not always an uphill battle. Sometimes I’m in a valley. The land is flat and easy to navigate, the grass is soft beneath my feet. And sometimes I’m [...]
Emptiness, it fills me the way emptiness can; with vacancy and abandonment— alone and in the dark. The heaviness is back. Weight presses on my chest and I gasp for air, But there’s no oxygen left for me. I’m sinking in this mind of mine. Blurred thoughts leave me sinking, pulling me down, down like [...]
The cocky fireman got way too close to my face and rudely asked: “what, are you on drugs?!” My response? “YEAH ASSHOLE I HAVE A PANIC DISORDER!” I didn’t know I was pregnant. Let me make that very clear. I had no idea I was pregnant. I thought I was simply going insane and losing [...]
