Before you marry me you should know that I’m crazy. I’m not saying that because I want to scare you, I’m saying that because it’s true. Also, don’t be upset that I’m calling myself crazy. I have a right to do that. It’s my brain, my body, and my life. You would be more upset if I didn’t tell you how crazy I was before you spent the rest of your life with me. Sure, you’ve seen me breathing heavily in crowds, yes you’ve seen me hide in the bathroom at parties and cry. You know that it’s not something I can control and you’ve been there for me. But I need you to know that this is it. This is who I am and even though I am working on my issues in therapy, I am not going to fundamentally change who I am.
I am anxious, it takes me hours to prepare to leave the house, not because I am putting on makeup or doing my hair because I am afraid. And if you’re going to be my partner, you need to understand that this is part of how I work. I may not be able to go to the company Christmas Party, I might have to abruptly leave in the middle of a movie and I might not be able to explain to you why. I don’t like having to explain myself in that moment. I need to be able to figure it out later. Do now, and then ask questions later.
That’s the thing about anxiety, it doesn’t always make sense. I’m sorry that you have to deal with that, but as my partner, you will have to see me at my worst sometimes. I want to be open with my crazy so that you’re not confused when I show it. You don’t always have to understand it, just listen. We’re going to be in this for the long haul and you’ve been so great, so just remember that it will happen. I will surprise you and maybe even myself. I don’t want to apologize for who I am, but I do want you to love me always. Can you do that? Can you love the crazy, the fun, the weird, the anxious and the wild? If you can, then we can do this together.
Before you get married, it’s good to be on the same page. This is especially important when you live with anxiety. There’s a great article from BetterHelp about the benefits of pre-marital counseling and how it can help you get on the same page about things. This is an article from Mayo Clinic that explains the basics of pre-marital counseling and how it can benefit couples.