You said you would be with me no matter what happened. You told me that even though I was “crazy” you would stay. You said it was fine. “It’ll be fine.” Well, it doesn’t feel fine. It feels like everything is falling apart at the seams. I’m watching our relationship crumble in front of me. And I wonder how you can’t see it. You keep telling me that it’s going to be okay, stop worrying. Every time you say that I know it’s a lie, it’s meant to placate me so I stop crying.
I know the truth.
It’s because I’m too unstable.
It’s because I’m too complicated.
It’s due to the fact that no matter what I say it’s exhausting to you.
Even when the things I say are just my feelings.
You roll your eyes when I express myself.
I want you to hear me and I can’t make that happen.
It doesn’t matter how “crazy” you believe I am. What matters is that you promised to love and understand me. What happened to that promise?
I have always been scared that you would leave me. Every time I told you that I was afraid you assured me that would never happen.
And one day it did.
One day you got tired of my “shit” and turned around and said “I can’t anymore.”
I still can.
I want to.
And I remember everything you said to me. All the words that I thought meant something.
Is there any part of you that still loves me?
Is there anything left in you that remembers what it’s like to embrace my crazy?
If the answer is yes, then swallow your pride and tell me.
I’m still here, and I never actually left.
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