Being Alone And Secretly Liking It

I was told that I was asocial, that it was a part of my personality disorder. I don't know what they meant by that. I sat in the doctor's office looking at these degrees that were framed in black frames on the wall. He seemed to love himself a lot. I don't know what was [...]

By | 2018-01-24T17:38:20+00:00 January 24th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|1 Comment

I Finally Saw My Body And Got Help

Counting calories was the only way that I knew how to control anything in my life. My mother used to call me fat. But I wasn’t. I didn’t understand why she would do this to me. It tortured me. I remember my favorite snack after school: Hostess Cupcakes. I can still taste them in my [...]

By | 2018-01-23T18:38:38+00:00 January 23rd, 2018|Categories: Binge, Bulimia, Eating, Uncategorized|Tags: |1 Comment

I Want to Sabotage My Happiness

I want to sabotage the potential that I could be happy. I can see happiness as something that is an option for the future. If I look into the distance I see it as an exit off of the road. It's something that I could drive to, but it's not easily accessed. I want it [...]

By | 2018-01-23T03:44:15+00:00 January 23rd, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|2 Comments

Jael’s voice – Things Eeyore Taught Us

What the hell was wrong with him?!  He was such a pessimist!  Many times his large blue presence plodded through my life,  basically telling me to get over it.  “Life’s not fair” don’t ya know?  I nicknamed him Eeyore. He worried a lot.   “Don’t trust no son of a bitch”.  “You can always come [...]

By | 2018-01-17T15:09:16+00:00 January 17th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|0 Comments

Sarah Smith – Cut -Trigger Warning – Self Harm

Trigger Warning: Cutting, self-harm. “I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real.” I cut today. Part of it felt freeing, a release of pressure like punching a hole in a potato before you microwave it. I hadn’t cut in a really long time. [...]

By | 2018-01-15T10:32:09+00:00 January 15th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: |0 Comments

It’s just the grocery store

It's just the grocery store. I don't know why I can't go there. It's not something I want to hide from. I need to get food, feed myself. I don't know why I am so afraid, so anxious, to go there. I tell myself all I have to do is get in the car. All [...]

By | 2018-01-06T02:28:49+00:00 January 6th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Heidi Sullivan-Inyama – Goodbye Paranoia – Hello Sanity

Goodbye Paranoia - Hello Sanity Have you thought everyone was out to get you? People were always talking behind your back? Someone was conspiring against you? Everyone was lying? A shadow was constantly following you around? Well, maybe to a certain extent some of that was true, but you never knew for sure. On the [...]

By | 2018-01-04T00:50:45+00:00 January 4th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|2 Comments

Sarah Fader – I was Afraid of My Anger

For many years I was afraid to be angry; truly angry. I knew I wouldn't lose control because I am not someone who does that. But I was terrified that I would be shunned or rejected for expressing feelings of anger or rage. It's not that I didn't want to express them, I did, I [...]

By | 2018-01-01T16:54:18+00:00 January 1st, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|0 Comments