I moved overseas when I was manic.
I have Bipolar Disorder. At the end of January 2016 I finished a course of 15 ECT treatments for a severe episode of depression. A couple of weeks after I finished the ECT I started to become very angry and irritable. The mania was setting in. You see, mania isn’t always euphoria, sometimes it’s lashing out at my husband for no reason and being irritable over nothing and everything all at once. I’d started shopping and spending all of our money. I got my hair dyed by a professional instead of my usual box dyes and I got more tattoos. We now have so much debt in the US that I’m scared to go back. That’s how bad it got. But then we moved.
Moving had been the plan for about a year. It wasn’t a sudden thing, it was something that my Australian self and US husband had been planning for a while. The thing that we weren’t counting on though was me being manic during the process. When we were cleaning out our apartment and getting rid of stuff I was ruthless, I held onto very few sentimental possessions which in hind sight I regret. It would have been worth paying for the extra suitcase or two. But what can I do now right? I just wanted stuff gone. I was anxiously counting down the days until we could leave.
When the day finally came I was just about jumping out of my skin. Finally. The day is here. The flight to LA went by with ease but the wait for the next flight was long and arduous. Once we boarded our flight to Sydney I took my night meds and passed out for the majority of the flight. When I woke up they were handing out breakfasts. I can’t remember what I had but I remember it was disgusting. I was just about jumping out of my seat with excitement, I feel sorry now for the gentleman that was sitting next to me.
Thankfully we didn’t have too much of a lay over in Sydney before moving onto Adelaide were my family were waiting to greet us. It was overwhelming but I dealt with it. Just. My mania was about to come into full swing.
We’d been living at my mum’s for a few days now and all of a sudden I had an undeniable urge to run. So that’s what I did. I got out my running gear and I went running, up the road around the block, I went running. I felt like I could go on forever. I felt invincible. Now is when the euphoric mania kicked in. At least for a little while. This went on for a few days. Then the hallucinations started again. I started seeing John again. He’s a middle aged man that I see sometimes. He means me no harm but sometimes I still find him scary. The auditory hallucinations started again too, I couldn’t be in crowded places because of all of the noise and the people yelling at me and calling my name. Even alone the voices were sometimes too much. So off to hospital I went.
My hospital stay was three weeks. They tweaked my meds, took some, added some. I was well sedated for a while but came out of it soon enough as the medication settled. I was feeling better, I was feeling better able to function but they still recommended me for disability which I am now on.
I learnt a lot about myself and coping through all of this. I learnt more about what to look out for when I’m manic. It was the first time that I had had an angry, irritable mania, I didn’t even know that that was a thing when I was going through it. I’ve had a lot of mania’s but not one like that. Now I know and know what to look out for it.
I also learnt that my mania can be exacerbated by travel, the excitement, the rush, the change, the move. I’ve felt it on a smaller scale before too on short vacations but thought nothing of it. I guess in the future it would pay to take this into account when traveling. Always be vigilant, always have my meds (and take them), and always have my trusty husband by my side to look out for me.
My name is Meghan and I have Bipolar I w/ Psychotic features, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, and recovering EDNOS. I love getting tattoos, stuffed animals, writing, the rain, and buying stationery. Meghan be found on her blog, Facebook, and Twitter.