I didn’t want to, but I cried in front of her and I don’t know why. I can’t tell you what it was about her that made me feel like I could show her my feelings. Was it her kind eyes? Was it the fact that she knew me so well? I don’t like to show how I feel. It makes me feel like I’m standing there in my underwear or naked even. I don’t want anyone to know how I feel. Whenever I’ve told people how I feel, my innermost secrets, they don’t understand. They take what I’ve tried so hard to hide, bring it into the light and it burns my face. But, she was different. I walked into the bedroom and I shut the door. She didn’t let me do that, she opened it, saw me laying on the floor, tears streaming down my face and she held me. She didn’t say a word. She just held me while I cried, hard. I hated myself in that moment. I didn’t want her to see me like that. I’m supposed to be strong, stoic, unfeeling. It was too late, she already saw the other side of me. She knew that I was weak, and I was too tired to fight it anymore. I had been battling these feelings for days and finally, I broke down. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“It’s going to be okay.” She said.
I didn’t know if that was true. But I wanted to believe her. I wanted her to tell me why the hell I was crying. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I was supposed to be the one taking care of her, not the other way around.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be.” She replied.
She held me and rubbed my back. She didn’t ask for anything in return. She stayed with me when I couldn’t stay with me.
Crying without knowing why could be the sign of another mental health issue. It’s important to seek professional help if you’re experiencing this symptom for many days in a row. There are many reasons we cry. This article from The Independent talks about the science behind why we cry and this BetterHelp article outlines why you could be crying for no reason. The truth is, there’s always a reason why we cry, it’s a matter of finding out what that reason is.