• Gabe Howard

    You can feel the conflict, confusion, anger and fear just by reading it. There are no words.

  • http://traumadad.blogspot.ca/ Trauma Dad

    It’s perfectly natural to feel hatred and rage about this. It is one of our many many emotions. We are taught socially that it is wrong in all instances to hate others. In truth, hatred is just a simple way to process what is happening around us. Unattached to action, hatred is blameless.

    If, however, a reaction to hatred causes you to harm others, your actions need to be addressed. You can counter a feeling of hatred with a concentrated effort of compassion. That is to say, find a way to help somebody who needs it for no other reason than to know that you’re doing something better than hurting somebody.

    Personally, I feel forgiveness is only really important in that it champions empathy and compassion. I do not feel a person who beat your mother necessarily deserves forgiveness. And I feel your anger and hatred, even as they persist, are justified. It is worth acknowledging the value of those feelings, and then using them to propel yourself forward on the path of doing the opposite of that person.

    In very small ways, we each can destroy and alter the actions of violent people by shaping our own world, to the extent we can, with the opposite of violence.

    It is important not to expect results. We basically do this for our own piece of mind. But little by little, we can see things taking shape. Little by little we are awakened to the influence our positive influence can have. Over time, our little corners of life begin filling up with people who love us. We begin being kind without even realizing it, cultivating kindness in others, without knowing. Planting entire orchards of goodness in ourselves and other people without even being aware.

    None of this begins with forgiveness. It begins with concsiously and precisely (and regardless of personal motive) behaving in an opposing way. I would argue that in this way, hatred is a strength. Use that strength.

  • Tony Spagnoli

    I can’t offer anything significant that would help. My anger/rage has consumed me most of my life. But I wish you luck and hope you do what I have been unable to.

  • john

    My therapist drilled into me that anger was something like a can of gasoline. One can use it to burn the house down, possibly with oneself in it, or one may use it to fuel the automobile. This latter was a .metaphor for using the energy of anger do healthy things, rather than destructive things in life. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or saying it’s all right. Forgiveness for .me is my getting past my resentments. Resentments are like taking poison hoping it will kill someone else. Anger is what it is, and we can decide what we are going to do with it.

    I was the abused as a child. I spent much of my adult life with major depression. I self medicated in several ways. My life was a mess. But when I began to deal with my resentments as useless at best, and to get past them and put the anger in my gas tank that life began to change for me. I became more proactive about my situation. I found a good therapist, and then a good prescribing psychiatrist for meds. I still have my ups and downs with depression, but the downs aren’t so far down, and the ups last a lot longer. Life for me is a lot better than it was.

    This is my story. Take what you need, and leave the rest.

  • Helen White

    You won’t loose a part of yourself by coming to terms with what hurt you and caused hatred in the past. My own experience (whilst of a very different kind of past) has been that I can now accept and understand how that past has shaped my present. It has given me the luxury to make choices about how I respond to any given event because I am informed about how it affects me because of my past. I passionately hope you find the help you need. It’s i tense and scary but so very worthwhile. I wish you well.