Katy Campbell

Katy Campbell

 

Eating disorder
I remember the way you creeped into my life
Latching on to my already insecure mind
The perfect target
Fat kid, who was scared of growing up
You burrowed your way in
Creating a hole
You told me I needed control
It wasn’t long till everyone could see
My pale skin which flaked
My clothes which got to big
I wasn’t underweight but undernourished
On only 400 cals most days
No one said anything
I remember mums worried face
As she said “you must eat more”
My friends at school asked “why do you never eat lunch anymore”
I made up an excuse “just not hungry”, ” I already ate” or “I’ve just lost that baby fat you always said would go at some stage”
I ate more then I ate less
Then I ate healthy then i wouldn’t care
Then I binged, then I would purge
I was confused and in despair
Never able to control
Always chopping always changing
I was not anorexic or bulimic nor did I have binge eating disorder.
I just wished someone could see that even when I was eating more than 400 cals a day
And I wasn’t feeling faint and looking unwell
That I was still in pain
That I was still thinking about it all the time
And that I hadn’t ‘got better’ just was able to hide it for a while
If I wasn’t starving
I would be bingeing
Or sometimes both
Bingeing then starving
No one saw that the dressing gown pockets filled with custard cream biscuits as I slyly climbed the stairs
Or hair tied back in front of the toilet bowl
You saw me eat again
You saw me smile again and presumed that everything was now alright
In fact it may have been more dangerous
As you couldn’t see it this way
It was hidden behind locked doors
Of bathrooms and bedrooms
Lies told, harm done
I missed the girl from before
Yes, she was overweight
But she was far more happy than you are now

By | 2016-11-14T13:41:37+00:00 November 14th, 2016|Categories: Eating, Stigma Fighter's Poetry, Stigma Fighters|0 Comments

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