dear bipolar,

you’d think after 18 years together we’d know each other pretty well. but yet there are still parts of you that are unknown to me.

you are like my innermost organs, always there but i didn’t learn about you till later on.

this body isn’t mine anymore bipolar, it’s ours. i can’t see where you end and i begin, we’re intertwined like new lovers in a bed.

bipolar, i know you like to be the center of attention but i’m sorry you cannot always be. there are things i want to do that don’t involve your highs and lows. i’m sorry bipolar but sometimes you’ll have to take a backseat.

man, have we had some good time together. remember when we went for a run at 1am and felt like we were on fire. we ran till we passed out but that night i felt like i could fly. do you recall the time where we were running down the back alley ripping off our hunter boots and throwing them at our friends, i felt unstoppable.

don’t get me wrong there have been some tough time too, when we haven’t been able to move our limbs, where our body was weighed down by lead and our mind ceased to contain thoughts. time where sticking our fingers down our throat was a high we just couldn’t get enough of.

it’s not just you i’ve gotten to know recently, it’s all of your associates you bring along with you. there’s our manic friends and their depressive partners. it’s easier to give them cute nicknames like hyper-sexuality, mania, purging, bingeing, delusions and recklessness.

oh bipolar, i wish you weren’t so invisible, how i would love to put a face to your name. maybe then people would take you seriously. maybe then it wouldn’t have taken three years and countless doctors to get a diagnosis, to get medication to smooth your rough edges, bipolar.

i love you bipolar, you make me brave, you make me powerful and god have you made me resilient. if i could cut you our of me without harming myself i wouldn’t even consider it because bipolar, without you, i’m not quite sure what would be left.

growing up i experienced the typical angst that is brought on by being a growing girl in this day and age. i also experienced my unique experiences and emotions as a diagnosed bipolar individual. i believe it is this combination of ordinary and unordinary that allows my writing to appeal to so many. writing poetry for me started as an outlet, at first, i didn’t even know what i was writing would be considered poetry. my emotions brought pen to paper and i discovered writing as a totally unique way to not only be an outlet for my own sentiments but also as a way to share what was going on in my mind with my friends, loved ones and eventually strangers. the response from these writings only persuaded me to explain and create more as it turns out everyone deeply related to my poetry and i loved providing that comfort.