Even though I had several encounters with schizophrenia when I was a child and a teen, it manifested itself around year 2000 when I was married with no kids but 10 miscarriages. It hit me hard but I fought back, fighting it until year 2008 when it completely engulfed me. I wrote a book about this chapter in my life from year 2000 to 2008 when I learned to fight in the spirit, called Encountering Supernatural by Alexandra Mahanaim.
From 2008 and on, schizophrenia became unbearable. I could no longer work even though I was a professional computer programmer and database developer. It took away my marriage, I had to file for bankruptcy and my thyroid has crushed. Hashimoto Episodes with severe thyroiditis became part of my suffering existence.
My husband decided that he had enough of me lying in bed. He sent me in an old car from California to North Carolina around my birthday in July 2008 to my parents. I remember driving and thinking that everyone is out to get me. Around that time my schizophrenia manifested itself in sexual pleasure that would engulf me for hours. I really did not like it so I got so depressed that tried to kill myself two times. On the second try as I started taking pills, I heard the Lord scream in spirit so I stopped taking pills and decided to live. But punishing spirits told me that they will punish me for trying to end my life. At the time I thought it was the Lord, not punishing spirits. I was punished most severely as they took a person that I loved out of my life. I had no choice now but to fight pleasure spirits. I would be experiencing deep pleasure and say quietly and repeatedly, “I submit my sexuality to the Lord,” as I would hear a pop, like an explosion and pleasure would seize abruptly. Explosions were small, loud or in between. They were in all parts of my body. So, as I thought and still think occult people would attack me again with more pleasure spirits and I would destroy new spirits. It went on for years until the time has come that I was strong enough to take on most of the pleasure spirits. But then attacks became in spheres of fear until I was scared being a passenger in the car, scared driving on highway and scared of many other things that I never feared before.
Schizophrenia manifested itself in so many different ways. I see spirits, I talk to them, I have witches and wizards visiting me. This diary will take you to my everyday life, my altered reality that is more real to me than your life is to you. I spend most of the time in bed because of my thyroiditis. I cannot handle stress and have to remain calm or a cluster migraine would engulf me that even 10 mg of Oxycodone would not be able to fight.
So, now I welcome you to my life, a life of altered reality with spirits, occult and all things schizophrenia. I have 3 books that might be of interest to you: Encountering Supernatural that I have mentioned above, Return to Eternity based on visions of my prior life in heaven as God’s wife and Schizophrenia Diary, my most recent work in progress.


Formerly a database developer, currently disabled due to schizophrenia. Poet, writer who immigrated to the United States from former Soviet Union where my parents were oppressed for religeous freedom. I am also an artists who does portraits with oils and mixed media. I have graduated from the Elms College with double major in math and computer science and minored in art in BA.