Monday, November 9, 2015 – Speed of Mental Illness
When the mind goes a speed that isn’t sanely normal, it makes me wish I had more than one Danica.
When I first wake up in the morning, lately most mornings I would just like to stay in bed. The room feels dark and cold. Outside the house is gloomy and shady weather. Nothing good is going to happen in my day so why would I take step out of bed.
I have to eventually get out of bed and get to the washroom. Maybe I become thirsty and need a sip of water. Eventually I am doing my Father’s dishes and tidying up the place. Sooner or later, I overcome the fear of noise for a headache, I turn on music. The music is enlightening and helps feed the soul.
My day, after baby steps of this and that, actually turned out to have good things happen within. I had a good day today. I cleaned up the house, sealed more windows, had a bubble bath, hit the bong, caught time to read my book, went for a drive, had a cup of coffee, filled out my Mood Tracker journal, built a patio set… within hours.
When I wake up tomorrow, I’m going to take it step by step. Go to the washroom, take a drink of water, clean yesterday’s mess, turn on enlightening music and make my day shine!
I am looking forward to my tomorrow morning.
Suicide Awareness – I beat suicide.
I am pursuing my passion of raising suicide awareness. I want to reach out to the young teenagers, let them know they do not have to go through what I have been through. I want to pass on my strength and have suicide become extinct. I want to be a statistic that marijuana had nothing to do with my suicide attempts. I want to discuss free counselors as opposed to expensive counsellors. I strongly want to promote you do not have to seek approval from your parents, unhealthy mentors, etc.
I was born January 22, 1991 in Macklin, Saskatchewan. I was raised on a farm outside of Unity, Saskatchewan. At age 15, my mother left my father and I moved to town with my brother Stefan, Justin was already graduated and out of the house. I lived in town from ages 15-18, and in that time my parents tried to mend their relationship. It came down to the middle of grade 12, I had to leave due to the arguments. I moved to Saskatoon and lined myself up at Nutana Collegiate and finished my grade 12. After I graduated grade 12, I applied for the Veterinary Office Assistant course that was offered at McKay Career Training with the instructor, Candace Peace. I graduated college with higher marks than I did in high school. I was hired on full time as a filing girl for a construction company, I ran with it. Before the next Christmas came, I bought myself a new 2010 Toyota Corolla S without needing a co-signer. All of my life achievements have not been recognized by my mother. I continued to seek approval from my mother, but nothing seemed to make her happy.
That I can remember, from ages 13 – 24, I have been struggling with depression. Come 2015, I moved to Saskatoon in August and connected with a great counselor with many years’ experience. Jerry Richards of Summit Counselling took me into his office and asked me to be honest about everything and that he would like to work with me. I agreed to be honest. I have been diagnosed with every problem in the book, it came down to Jerry to tell me that he does not feel I need to be medicated, I do not need to be diagnosed as depressed. Jerry strongly believes the cure to my depression is cognitive therapy. I have taken some time to make a FaceBook page (Suicide Awareness – I beat suicide), Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, and a Tumblr account to raise awareness.
I raise suicide awareness because I have attempted the act twice around the ages 13-15, and once when I was 23 years old. I have a bubbly personality and a big deceiving smile. Right now I like to compare myself to my hero, Robin Williams, a man with a smile and humour that can turn your whole day around. His loss of life was unexpected, and I feel the exact way about myself. I am scared.
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