This time one year ago I went through the deepest valley and darkest moments in my entire life. In January 2016 Mike and I made the long distance move from Texas to Arizona… Who knew moving 1000 miles would bring such tremendous stress. On the outside, it appeared my marriage was thriving after spending 4 [...]
“Just breathe. You’re okay.” No, I’m not okay. No, everything is not fine. And Fuck you, it is not "just in my head". The pain in my chest, that is real. The dizziness and nausea, those are real. The vomit in the toilet, that’s real. The numbness of my lips and the sweat on my [...]
We've heard the express "depression lies." Depression makes you cry with its awful lies sometimes. It can leave you feeling powerless, tired, and even scared. Depression tags along; it's a third wheel. I've thought about ways to fight it rather than let it sit in my body and annoy the shit out of me. Finally, [...]
"You’ve got to relax." Oh, ok. Well then. Shut it down! Nothing to be anxious about here, folks! It’s all in my head! Look, I know it’s in my head. I have a disorder. That means out of order. I'm out of order. Like an angry witness in a courtroom or a vending machine that [...]
My mind doesn't want to stop moving. It hurts me and it tells me to give up. I'm tired and I just want to lay down. I can't stop these thoughts, these feelings are too much for my brain to handle. I'm overwhelmed with anger. I can't control anything right now or ever. Life is [...]
Ever had one of those dreams, where you try to cry out for help but no-one could hear you? That's how I felt, no one could hear me calling out for help. My eyes filled with tears as I thought of my mother. I wondered if I'd ever see her again. I didn't remember what [...]
I moved overseas when I was manic. I have Bipolar Disorder. At the end of January 2016 I finished a course of 15 ECT treatments for a severe episode of depression. A couple of weeks after I finished the ECT I started to become very angry and irritable. The mania was setting in. You see, [...]
I've thought about living with mental health issues from a variety of perspectives. I try to view it like this: living with bipolar disorder is something that I do. I manage the symptoms of my mental illness and I live my best life. Every person has problems or challenges they deal with. Life is funny, [...]
I want you to think about something: what would you reveal if you had the opportunity to say anything? We all have secrets that we haven't shared for a variety of reasons. I am an incredibly open person. I've worked my entire life to be this way. Still I have a rich internal world that I'm [...]
What was I working on? I look to my left and then to my right. I stare at the monitor in front of me, barely recognizing what is on the screen. I think I know this project… what was I doing on it? My brain is foggy, drawing a blank. I struggle to remember what [...]
