In 1990, when I was 15 years old I had my first depression. At first I was just a “grumpy teenager”, but soon it was clear to my parents that this was not “normal”. At that time people did not really speak about depression or mental health. Not in my village in the Netherlands, anyway. [...]
Relationships are hard regardless of the two people involved. When one partner has mental illness there are specific challenges. As people living with mental illness, we want the same things that every human being wants: to be loved, valued, and respected. We deal with different challenges then neurotypical people, but we still have the same [...]
I started getting headaches at work. At first I thought that they were just due to the stress of my job. But when they didn’t go away I knew something was wrong with me. I thought maybe it was something to do with my brain. I wondered if there was something really wrong. That’s when [...]
Ever since I can remember my dad was drinking. I'd come home from school and he'd be wasted, standing there in his underwear waving his hands demonstratively. It was his gestures that signaled to me that something was off. I didn't want to go near him. If I went anywhere in his vicinity he would [...]
My first thought was, “This is some hippy-dippy shit, right?” Mindfulness sounded like something for crunchy granola type people, something for people trying to get in touch with the harmony of the universe or align their chakras with crystals and bath salts. It sounded corny. It sounded like a reincarnation of the fake it till [...]
If he doesn’t want help how can I help him? I see him sitting there in class with scars on his arms and I’m afraid for him. He hasn’t told anybody but I know what he’s doing when he goes to the bathroom. I see the case that he carries and I know it’s inside. [...]
Before you marry me you should know that I'm crazy. I'm not saying that because I want to scare you, I'm saying that because it's true. Also, don't be upset that I'm calling myself crazy. I have a right to do that. It's my brain, my body, and my life. You would be more upset [...]
I wanted you to save me. That's why I stayed with you. But I was wrong. You can save me or fix me. I have mood swings. Sometimes I run around the house cleaning everything, singing at the top of my lungs, and I'm euphoric, haven't slept for days. I want to please you, be [...]
I wish I had control over my hands. I feel like I do, and then I wash them until they're raw. I'm afraid of dying. It's hard to explain if you've never experienced this. I don't know when it started, probably around seven years old. I was afraid of getting sick. I didn't want to hold [...]
I thought she hated me. When I went to school that day, she wouldn't look me in the eyes. I couldn't explain why I canceled. It was just too much. I couldn't explain why I didn't go to the convention. I just didn't want to see people. This unbearable sadness hit me when I tried [...]
