Trigger Warning- Abuse

Please Trust my Said Delusions
Created by: Jessica Painter

The television or the desert
Where grenades were the stars
You wished on night after night
Overcome by fear of Iraqi shadows
That danced on your sanity
And made you afraid to turn off the lights

Daddy, this is not the usual game we play,
You said my body was meant for a king one day,
But right now I am only a young princess
Why do I flinch now that I am a queen?
To the touch of a hand or the touch of a heart
Daddy, I do not want to play anymore

Two letter word, whose meaning
Is not confusing
You silenced my mouth as well as my soul
But it was my body you ended up using
Flower smothered by weeds, forevermore

Your upper hand is bruised from loving me,
I am one in nine, a statistic
A battered female at the hands of the love of her life
The mark permanent on my heart and skin
Sin that makeup cannot hide
I see fists in every man, that credit is yours to claim
Hoping one day, to find someone who will love, not maim

Words or weapons, the pain is too heavy to carry
This game of life turned unfair
The barrel of a gun pointed at my memories
I gave you my money, and you told me to run
Did you mean to run from the noises of the night now,
Or when you help me in your hands, me and all my life?

God saw it as an accident, but why do I not?
Every time I place my body in a car, I shudder
Thoughts of shattered glass, a friendship scattered across the asphalt
Help is on the way they said but was it?
Engulfed by helping souls, but none can bring you back
Lonely, as I stare at the vacant seat,
Praying to see your face again soon, but also the day I can buckle my seatbelt
And not hear my heart break;


Jessica Painter is an undergraduate student at East Carolina University in Greenville, North Carolina. She is studying psychology with a minor in alcohol and drug studies. She is also enrolling in nursing school shortly to pursue her career of being a psychiatric nurse. Her poetry stems from strictly her life experiences and is now being submitted for review.This is the first time her writing has gone public and she wants to share with the poetry community her inspirations and aspirations behind her writing. Follow her on Twitter.