Not again

The world is collapsing around me

I can’t breathe

Please not again


Is it because the sun is shining too bright?

Deep Breathe in

Deep Breathe out

Rocking too and fro

My boat is about to capsize

Please, Please, please


Shit Shit Shit.

I am suffocating and the world is going without me

Circles, Circling my forefinger over my thumb

Over and Over again

I can’t hold back the tears

What is wrong?

What is bothering me?

I don’t know, I don’t fucking know

How I know the world be okay and

Feel like it is falling apart

Another wave comes crashing down

my body is not my own

The anxiety has taken over

I am merely a host for this parasite

I beg for it to go but it only wants to play

What do I have to be anxious about?


Nothing at all

That is not how this relationship works

It comes as it please and I can do it ride it out

No rhyme or reason

No explanation

I just ride out the wave

Hoping I don’t drown

This. THIS.

Fucking this

This is what anxiety looks like

Lauren Kocher has been battling mental illness since childhood. She found solace in poetry in her teens as a way of making sense about how she felt. Later, she created a space on her blog “The Bipolar Mama” as a way of bringing light to mental illness. She is a loving wife and a mother of two sweet boys and three furbabies. When she is not writing for her blog and sites such as “The Mighty”, she is on the track with her other passion, roller derby.

Lauren can be found on her website, Facebook, and Twitter.