The world is collapsing around me
I can’t breathe
Please not again
Is it because the sun is shining too bright?
Deep Breathe in
Deep Breathe out
Rocking too and fro
My boat is about to capsize
Please, Please, please
Shit Shit Shit.
I am suffocating and the world is going without me
Circles, Circling my forefinger over my thumb
Over and Over again
I can’t hold back the tears
What is wrong?
What is bothering me?
I don’t know, I don’t fucking know
How I know the world be okay and
Feel like it is falling apart
Another wave comes crashing down
my body is not my own
The anxiety has taken over
I am merely a host for this parasite
I beg for it to go but it only wants to play
What do I have to be anxious about?
Nothing at all
That is not how this relationship works
It comes as it please and I can do it ride it out
No rhyme or reason
I just ride out the wave
Hoping I don’t drown
This is what anxiety looks like
Lauren Kocher has been battling mental illness since childhood. She found solace in poetry in her teens as a way of making sense about how she felt. Later, she created a space on her blog “The Bipolar Mama” as a way of bringing light to mental illness. She is a loving wife and a mother of two sweet boys and three furbabies. When she is not writing for her blog and sites such as “The Mighty”, she is on the track with her other passion, roller derby.