What do you do to honor the day you woke up from dying? Four years ago, on a Monday morning, instead of going to work, I went to sleep. I went to sleep for 4 days. I do not remember a light at the end of the tunnel. I do not remember hearing voices coming through while I was in my Neverland state. I remember not being surprised when I woke up. Almost a feeling of, “yes this seems very normal that I am in an ICU attached to all of these machines”.
The following days are very blurry to me. I know I bought a lot of shoes. It was quite a surprise when they showed up. I remember the pain of the catheter being taken out. I remember my mom walking me around the nurse’s station to get my strength back, and the nurses letting me pick what music I wanted to listen to. I remember eating deli sandwiches with my family one night, instead of hospital food. Then I remember a week in a psych ward.
Four years seems like no time, and yet, it has been my entire life. I have leaned into my recovery of everything- recovery of trying to be a version of me that was not me. I am learning everything about myself. I am learning what I like to do. I am learning what I do not like to do. I am learning how to spend time with the people who will cheer for me, even when I am not in the room, and tell me when I need to correct myself. Most importantly, I am one of those people for myself now. I cheer for myself, even when no one else is around, and I call myself out when I need to. I am learning to place myself first. I am the only one whose call I must answer every day. I am incredibly human, so I forget sometimes. I am my priority more days now than I ever was.
To everyone who has been with me, to my family, friends, to my past self,
I love you. Thank you. I’m sorry.

Katie is in a long-term identity crisis so she can be often found not responding to her name at all. Hey, Bitch usually works though. While she is built like a husky 12-year-old boy, be cautious, she is not lying (for once) about her ability to piss people off with her way of thinking. A high school boyfriend once made her a mixtape that included ‘Black Magic Woman’ and she was flattered. Her hobbies are directly borrowed from a Jane Austen spinster and yet she still believes she is entitled to a life partner, or at least someone who will keep her in an attic until she sets the house on fire. Katie’s book, Untranslatable, is now available from Amazon and Barnes and Noble.