I was always an anxious child. I was anxious about serious things, like potentially losing my parents, and I was anxious about silly things, like glitter (seriously! glitter!). I remember seeing a therapist starting when I was around 10 years old, because of my anxiety. Depression reared its ugly head during my adolescent years, and [...]
I work in the mental health/addiction field. While I came to it gradually, it is obvious that my childhood, growing up in a family full of mental health and addiction problems had something to do with this career choice. There were numerous suicides when I grew up; enough, in fact, for me to take a [...]
One sunny afternoon, I was feeling good and gearing up for my first ever art show. I had posted some photos on Instagram in anticipation of my big night. I opened the app and under my last post, was a comment by a stranger berating me about my weight. A total stranger wrote, “maybe you [...]
The title ‘Living between the Poles’ is fitting for my story because it describes my decades-long struggle to try and live peacefully between the poles of full-blown mania and debilitating depression for the first half of my life. At age 25 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1. And now at age 55, I [...]
I wouldn't recognize 26-year-old me if I saw her today. Three short years ago, I wrestled being in the throes of depression compounded by a debilitating Adderal addiction that resulted in terrifying heart palpitations, anxiety, and insomnia. Depression exacerbated my addiction; addiction exacerbated my depression. They both maneuvered their way into every imaginable facet of [...]
I have been thinking a lot about parts of a psyche lately. My therapist often asks me what part of me is thinking/speaking/acting/reacting, or how old is the part of me that is thinking/acting/speaking/reacting. She asks me "who is that speaking?" And even though the question is almost as annoying as "how do you feel?", [...]
Hi, I’m Charles. At the time of this writing, I’m thirty-nine years old, married with three children with a fourth on the way. We think it’s a girl and if so her name will be Camille. Sometimes I still can’t believe that I created such a beautiful and loving family. Outside of family, I have [...]
The first time I thought about my weight, I was 9 years old I stood in the mirror and looked at my innocent body Instead of seeing the legs that carried me on adventures and eyes that saw the world I saw a round stomach and too thick arms My hatred for myself began to [...]
I live in a bigger body. I’m round. Plump. Rotund. Chubby. Fat. Whatever words you like to use, I live in a body that is not of a socially acceptable size. And this has so many consequences that have nothing to do with me or with my health. People like to tell me it doesn’t [...]
“It’s just a tick, nothing to be worried about,” these are the words my family doctor said to me about the age of 11. I wasn’t sure why it was happening, but I knew enough to tell my mom that I needed it checked. With no answers at that time, that also meant there was [...]
