The first time I “died”, I was 25. I was walking through a mall with my friends and suddenly felt the weight of the universe crash into me. I was on a roller coaster hurtling down its initial drop. I was a grain of sand being crushed by the incoming tide. Then, I was nothing. [...]
Within a moment… it’s gone. The fully-formed sentences in prose form, as well as the captured ideas, vanish from my mind. A perfect essay that would have unfolded if it weren’t for my scattered mind. As I cracked my laptop open, all that remained was a faint memory. Ever heard of the cliché, “the memory [...]
Getting sober has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done in my life. Sometimes I have a chip on my shoulder when talking about it though. I’m only 22 years old, so I’m considered very young for someone getting sober. I’ve been the youngest person in numerous treatment centers I’ve gone through [...]
When my great aunt passed away, I had a chance to look through her things and choose something that I wanted to keep. She never signed her will and while we did donate everything we could, we wanted to keep a few things to remind us of her. While looking through her closet, an olive-green [...]
Eating disorder sufferers receive a lot of blame for their condition. People see the behavior, but they don't see the illness. That's because it's a mental health condition; while you may see what's happening on the outside, you can't see the actual sickness. You can't see what's going on inside, and because of this, mental [...]
Looks from people passing by Their looks of pity asking why As though they think I have the answer But I am simply this puppet’s dancer. Embarrassed beyond all means, I just want to be like other teens. Praying that they won’t see, What is truly wrong with me. Metal chains wrapped around my wrists [...]
*CW: Mention of eating disorder behaviors “One last thing: I congratulate you on your journey of recovery.” Recover: Verb, to return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. Was I...normal again? I look at my computer screen, the pale glow the only source of light in my apartment. My legs are curled underneath [...]
There is a hole in me. It sits right below my skin and consumes all the parts of me that are not blood and tissue. This hole lacks any light, you cannot see into it, you can not pull anything out of it, you can not put anything into it. It just exists, moves with [...]
Up and down… Up and down… Up and down… Over and over again… Mania exhibits itself as a hysterically excited companion, Chortling and guffawing and chattering with gnashing teeth, Expansive eyes shifting every which way, And a gnarled smile snaking throughout my mask. A dark-eyed playmate who never sleeps, An atrophied friend who never eats. [...]
Red tile, right foot. Black tile, left foot. Repeat. The bell was about to ring and I couldn’t be late for class again. A quick glance down the hallway told me I was almost there. A few people shuffle past and throw a few weird looks. I ignore it. If I stopped caring about where [...]
