I have Bi polar. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I have Depression. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic disorder and disorder disorder disorder…..
Bottom line, I am a person who lives with an Invisible Illness. One of many people like me who gives themselves a pat on the back for making it out of bed in the morning, or even, for waking up in the morning. I am 12 days short of my 29th birthday and I have been living with these *ahem* correction THESE illnesses for more than half of my life. MORE THAN HALF!!!!!
I am not the only one who lives like this, but every second of every day I feel like I am the only one. And that thought is so suffocating that I drown in this pain that you can’t even imagine.
When I act differently or say the wrong thing because I am extremely socially awkward you all nay-sayers shut me down like I am scum and like I need to be locked away. Did you see that epsiode of Game of Thrones where Cersi Lannister was walked through the street naked while some overly righteous nun rang a bell and screamed “SHAME… SHAME… SHAME”
That is how I feel because by suffering a mental illness, an invisible illness, my need for care and support from the world is not acknowledged and I get laughed at when I say “please help me, I am struggling, I feel dark inside” and I am told to just try smiling and it will help.
I fight everyday, and I want to continue to fight everyday, because I firmly believe that I have a voice, and that people who are like me need to have a voice.
I am one of the lucky ones. I have support, so much support it is not fair. I have a dog, this tiny ball of 5 pound chihuahua that I love more than I love anything else who keeps me fighting even when all I want to do is to give up. Which I do, a lot. I know, that I am so much more than Bipolar, and I am even more than Borderline Personality Disorder. My anxiety is nothing and one day I am going to realize that every disorder that I am labeled with won’t mean anything. One day, as long as I keep speaking up loudly and proudly about who and what I am, mental illness won’t be so shunned and looked down upon anymore.
Have you heard of the organization To Write Love On Her Arms? It has been a key component to my ability to move forward everyday. It showed me that it is okay to feel what I feel and that I was not alone in those feelings. Those thoughts that I had. I was NOT alone. And I am STILL NOT alone, and neither are you. Together we WILL be the hopeful and I finally can believe that recovery is possible… for ALL OF US!
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Recently I was diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder. But over the past 16 years of my life I have had multiple diagnosis and told I was many things.
I grew up in Calgary, AB Canada and now reside in Beautiful British Columbia, Canada where I moved 4 years ago for health reasons. I have a delightfully playful and adorable min pin/chihuahua mix named NOVA who literally is my heart and soul.
I am making an attempt at blogging about my Mental Health experience based on a suggestion from my psychiatrist, so wish me luck!
Karah can be found on her blog
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