I am an overthinker by nature. I always have been. Take something as simple as writing this blog for instance. I have been mulling it over for days on end, trying to write an interesting and enticing read. I have started so many fresh and new statements of intent to write about, and yet, I [...]
Not again The world is collapsing around me I can't breathe Please not again Why? Is it because the sun is shining too bright? Deep Breathe in Deep Breathe out Rocking too and fro My boat is about to capsize Please, Please, please 1,2,3.... Shit Shit Shit. I am suffocating and the world is going without [...]
It's just the grocery store. I don't know why I can't go there. It's not something I want to hide from. I need to get food, feed myself. I don't know why I am so afraid, so anxious, to go there. I tell myself all I have to do is get in the car. All [...]
It started in the hospital, hours after the birth of my daughter. The worry, the persistent worry. Where was she? Why wasn't she brought to me? Hours passed where I should have caught up on sleeping as once we were home that wouldn't happen. But I couldn't. The first night in the hospital after she [...]
Grief doesn’t have to just be about dying. It's common to grieve when a person dies. In fact when you think of the word "grief," most likely you associate it with death, but grief is about the loss of any kind. When you break up with someone, lose a friend, go a divorce or anything [...]
What I wish they told me about PostPartum You find out you're expecting a baby. This beautiful little human that you've literally created inside of you. You grew their heart, their lungs, their brain, all the way down to their tiny little toes. You spend nine months anticipating their arrival. You've probably chosen a name [...]
For many years I was afraid to be angry; truly angry. I knew I wouldn't lose control because I am not someone who does that. But I was terrified that I would be shunned or rejected for expressing feelings of anger or rage. It's not that I didn't want to express them, I did, I [...]
I am happy that my father is dead. I am happy that my family is dead. They’re dead and they can’t hurt me anymore. I don’t miss them, even now during the holiday season, I really don’t miss them. Call me a monster, tell me that I am a horrible person for saying such things, [...]
There may be people in your life who do not understand that you have a mental illness. Well, let's rephrase that: they might not know how to relate to you because they can't conceptualize what mental illness is, and how it impacts your life. These folks can include your family members, which makes matters more [...]
Every time a feeling pops up, I crush it down. I don't have a license to feel. I'm not equipped with the capacity to process what these things are. I'm not sure where they came from or what their purpose is but I don't have tools to handle all these emotions. The worst part is [...]
