Growing up, I was told a lot that I am brave and strong. I was told that I handle my chronic pain bone disorder, Multiple Osteochondromas with grace. Those I loved were attempting to lift me up, but it actually had the opposite effect. It suffocated me. I was afraid that if I showed how [...]
In a society where appearance is everything, I find it exceedingly difficult to get people to see past my beauty and into my reality. I present myself well groomed, well-spoken and my affect is rarely inappropriate. Due to these factors, no one would presume I suffer from an assortment of severe and pervasive mental illnesses. [...]
A poem I wrote in the hospital: Happy faces everywhere All these people unaware Why can’t they stay And see that I’m not okay Don’t they see I’m not what I’m put out to be Happy on the outside Sad on the inside Can they see my forced smile To realize does it take them [...]
"Socially Anxious Artist Seeking Anxiety-Causing Opportunities" In the middle of a recent holiday party, a friend discovered me in the kitchen washing dishes. “Why are you doing that now?” she asked. “I need a break from the people,” I sheepishly replied. “But, it’s your party. There are only six people here. Come on! You’re in [...]
I have never been the one to bring blind optimism into any situation. I mean, I’ve always believed in hope, and having faith, but never that everything will work out exactly how I want. Frankly, the world doesn’t work that way, and I knew this even as a young child. My parents used to tell [...]
Locked Out Hopping onto the bathroom vanity made of fake marble, that my mother called elegant, I studied my face. The answer to my question had to be hiding somewhere in my features. Why wouldn't other kids play with me? With desperation, I searched my reflection for what made me unacceptable. Two slightly slanted green [...]
Hits and Misses of my Past and Present Doctors/Treaters I have been on a journey through mental health wellness for the past 24 years. This is my experience from my first treatment provider to my current providers. It shows how lucky I have been as I have had many “hits” and only 2 “misses.” My [...]
The first time I can ever remember my OCD showing itself was fourth grade. My sister, only three years older, was showing me a rated R movie, and my mother walked in. As any typical mother would, she scolded us. Something switched in me that day. I don’t really know what it is that just [...]
“My arm is a spider web, my brain is a raging fire and anyone who wants to tell me I’m fine doesn’t know what’s going on in my mind.” That is what I wrote on November 13th, not knowing that just 4 days later my friends and colleagues would be taking me to the ER [...]
I Say, I'm Recovered. However is there such a thing. I don't abuse laxitaves, or make myself purge. No longer restricting calories, or missing social events. However is there such a thing as being fully recovered. I do look in the mirror and say wow I'm fat Yes, I avoided the gym and eating healthy [...]
