Running: Away from or towards myself I have only one tattoo. It’s located on the inside of my left wrist and simply says, “Stay”. I got it immediately after leaving my first ED treatment center, at 18 years old, and haven’t gotten another since. It’s the most important message from myself, to myself. It’s also [...]
I am 24 years old, and I was diagnosed with Bipolar II when I was 19 after years of struggling with mental health. A little over a year ago was the first time I learned about ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). ECT is a kind of treatment that you only consider as a last resort. I had [...]
What Being Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder Taught Me About Myself I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in early 2016 and it terrified me. It was the least unexpected diagnosis I’ve ever received, but that didn’t make it any easier. Bipolar II Disorder, the words hung over me like a label I would never be able [...]
I still remember the day my aunt talked about the suicide of her neighbor: “She was only 15 years old! I don’t know what she was thinking. What could be going on for a 15 year old?” To me, that was the problem. Not that people did not understand suicide, but people did not try [...]
Many years ago I intended to tell my story for the It Gets Better campaign. In those days, I was a successful business executive despite having never finished high school, having been homeless and struggling at 16 years old. Through a series of fortunate and unfortunate events, I managed to survive, not unscathed, but I [...]
“The greatest expression of rebellion is joy.” -Joss Whedon Getting out of bed this morning is a struggle. Everything feels tender and sore, both physically and emotionally, and part of me tries again to convince the other part of me that it would be so much better to stay under the covers all day. I’ve [...]
This time one year ago I went through the deepest valley and darkest moments in my entire life. In January 2016 Mike and I made the long distance move from Texas to Arizona… Who knew moving 1000 miles would bring such tremendous stress. On the outside, it appeared my marriage was thriving after spending 4 [...]
“Just breathe. You’re okay.” No, I’m not okay. No, everything is not fine. And Fuck you, it is not "just in my head". The pain in my chest, that is real. The dizziness and nausea, those are real. The vomit in the toilet, that’s real. The numbness of my lips and the sweat on my [...]
"You’ve got to relax." Oh, ok. Well then. Shut it down! Nothing to be anxious about here, folks! It’s all in my head! Look, I know it’s in my head. I have a disorder. That means out of order. I'm out of order. Like an angry witness in a courtroom or a vending machine that [...]
Ever had one of those dreams, where you try to cry out for help but no-one could hear you? That's how I felt, no one could hear me calling out for help. My eyes filled with tears as I thought of my mother. I wondered if I'd ever see her again. I didn't remember what [...]
