There have been many times where I thought death was the only option for me. Life didn’t seem like it was worth living anymore. From a young age, I had to start making lists of things and people that were important to me and made my life worth living. Those lists were always very small. [...]
When I was two years old, I began having “episodes” - bouts of extreme energy and activity with no discernible cause. I would cry to my parents, “Make it stop! Make it stop!” My parents felt helpless, unable to fully understand what I was asking them to do, given the limited descriptive abilities of a [...]
This Mask I Wear I see the morning light coming through the window. I roll over, not wanting to get up. Not wanting to face another day, just like the last. How do I go on? Why do I go on? Everyone seems to be fine, seems to be moving forward. Completing tasks, talking with [...]
*BIG trigger warning on this post. Talks about Depression and has mention of some graphic suicidal thoughts and actions/ self harm. If you are easily triggered right now, I would not recommended reading this at all. * Unrelenting. Unforgiving. Empty. Hollow. Excruciatingly painful. Physically painful. Confusing. Heavy. Suffocating. Desperate. Lost. Isolated. This is what Depression [...]
Looking back on my life, I can see bipolar disorder woven through every piece of it. Though I was diagnosed at the age of 26, I now see that my disorder first manifested as debilitating anxiety in elementary school. Followed by what I believe to be bipolar mixed states and depression in middle school. Before [...]
Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I have picked up a knife to harm myself. Actually, it was a box cutter. I was hurting emotionally and I couldn’t think straight. See, I had talked to one of my coworkers about some things I was considering, such as finding a new job [...]
Hi my name is Nicola, 33, living in Co. Galway Ireland, mother to J aged 10 and I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Fibromyalgia. I remember when I was aged 4 - feeling different from others. As the bullying increased I kept wishing I had never been born. Unfortunately life came with massive blows [...]
I knew something was wrong, even as I sat there shaking from the rage. This wasn't normal. I hadn't been this angry for awhile, not enough to shake and be numb and feel like I'm about to explode. My bipolar disorder was rearing its ugly head again. The slightest things set me off. More often [...]
Anxiety is an asshole... -Thoughts come to you at breakneck speed--the good and the bad. -You cannot sit still--even for what used to be your favorite activity. -Something bad is about to happen--you just don’t know what or when. -You’re exhausted but you cannot sleep--when you finally close your eyes, your dreams are laced with [...]
My Suicide Attempt Doesn’t Make Me Unlovable When I was fourteen years old, I tried to kill myself. Whether my brain chemistry, raging hormones, a recent breakup, or chronic low self-esteem were to blame, I can’t say for certain. Often, depression doesn’t seem to need a reason. Like an uninvited house guest, it simply shows [...]
