The Numbness in my Blood. It started fourteen years ago, and now I am a different person. For a long while, nobody could figure it out. My toddler son would have spells where he struggled to breathe, and sometimes turned a ghastly shade as he fought for air. Croup, they said at first. But the [...]
EMDR, PPD & Self Compassion... Every Monday I have my therapy appointment. This is for my new therapy that I started a few months ago, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). If I tried to explain the exact technique, I think I would confuse you further. What I can say, is that it is hard. [...]
Free The first time I thought about killing myself, I was seven or eight years old. My parents had recently separated. With their separation, the thin film that had kept me from falling into a dark hole wore through. In fact, I had reoccurring dreams about it, about a hole, in our front yard, sucking [...]
For many years I was caught up in the vicious cycle of alcohol, anxiety and depression. If I was anxious, I drank. If I was depressed, I drank. Then I would sober up and the anxiety and depression were still there, only now I felt even worse. I suffered from social anxiety. I just wanted [...]
Trigger warning *talk of suicide I’m a walking. talking contradiction…at least in my mind. Living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder makes me feel like a complete hypocrite because of my contradictory thoughts. I’m simultaneously stressing out about all the things I want and need to do while I have many thoughts that [...]
Darkness surrounds me and I feel as though I can’t breathe. All I want to do is sleep and cry, but then I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I try to get up, but it’s like something is holding me down so I can’t move. I try to move but it [...]
NIGHT TERRORS I understood suicide the very first time I heard of it around age 11, I had been committing it every night in my sleep for a decade. My earliest memories at 18 months old were of night terrors that included a suicidal death. Wads of snakes in various sizes, colors and patterns slithered [...]
Sometimes, I just don't know how To console you Reassure you that you have validity Not get impatient or angry when you disobey me Or allow you the amount of independence you claim you have. Sometimes, When your sweet little self Shows her grown up attitude I feel.... Defeated. Small. Inconsolable. Panicked. Like Whatever comes [...]
CRASH I’m just going to let loose. Forget about punctuation marks and such. I’m spewing a hornet’s nest from my mouth. I’ve been riding a manic high for three days now, one I haven’t felt in over a year. Oh the things I got done and the creative projects and I wanted to skip in [...]
My story is one you have heard before. I suffered in silence for many years while Major Depressive Disorder slowly destroyed my mind. Alongside the disorder, I also had worsening sleep apnea which denied my body, and mind, the rest it needed to recover. Together, my self-esteem was destroyed and my ability to function in [...]
