As far back as I can remember, my life has always been one big bucket of shit. About the age of four or five is when I begin remembering abuse. In my home yelling, beatings, degradation and humiliation were the norm. I hate holidays now, because then, every holiday was a fucking mess because of [...]
I was a shy, introverted child by nature. Living in isolation in the deep woods with my parents, family, and a couple neighbors only seemed to amplify it even more. I had little contact with the outside world. I was just a small child, and I didn't know any different. I met kids that were [...]
It was an important day. As I realized it was looming closer, I felt nervous. It's a new world, and I wasn't sure what it would be like. Would there be a parade? Cake? Party hats? Some enlightened epiphany followed by an overly verbose explanation of my new-found paradigm? I have been self-harm free for [...]
Bittersweet Love My daughter is not mine. I mean, she is, obviously, because she's my daughter. Nothing can, or will, change that. Ever. But I don't have her. I didn't put it online publicly anywhere when I was pregnant, so no one knew. I was very quiet about it. I knew I wasn't going to [...]
I remember the day that the doctor gave it a name: Depression. Finally. Such relief came with that one word. I now had a name for what was wrong with me. For why I was feeling like I wasn’t normal. For why happiness seemed to elude me even though I had no reason at all [...]
Writing Through Depression By Jordan E. Rosenfeld “For it would seem - her case proved it - that we write, not with the fingers, but with the whole person. The nerve which controls the pen winds itself about every fibre of our being, threads the heart, pierces the liver.” –Virginia Woolf, Orlando As I write this, [...]
I come from a family with a history of depression and anxiety. My dad and two of my brothers have bipolar disorder. My mom has an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. And I struggle with both mood and anxiety disorders. Because of this familiarity with mental illness, I played the helping role in my family for many [...]
It's ever-morphing. I've been plagued with it since I was very little; it was absolutely horrific, at times it was really bad and sometimes it was better, but always a battle. My ever-present condition is the trichotillomania. In varying degrees and severity, it's always been there. The rest of it has changed significantly. Mostly because [...]
Finding Myself Adolescence. Not the most fun time in life, in general, but for me, it was rather miserable. I was not happy, did not like school and hated all of the girl drama. College was a savior for me as I met wonderful friends and was able to befriend New York City as my [...]
Walking On Land Mines I once described my anxiety as aneurysms, or mines, just below the surface and ever ready to explode, with or without warning. Mostly, that foresight is miles away. Walk and live one way, and I’d never set off a single land mine. Walk and live the other way, and it would [...]