In June 2005, I was returning to the United States from my first deployment. As soon as my unit landed, there was a lot of fanfare from the public. I truly felt like a “hero” because our unit helped facilitate the first election in Iraq. My job as an electronic technician, was to maintain communication [...]
CRASH I’m just going to let loose. Forget about punctuation marks and such. I’m spewing a hornet’s nest from my mouth. I’ve been riding a manic high for three days now, one I haven’t felt in over a year. Oh the things I got done and the creative projects and I wanted to skip in [...]
My story is one you have heard before. I suffered in silence for many years while Major Depressive Disorder slowly destroyed my mind. Alongside the disorder, I also had worsening sleep apnea which denied my body, and mind, the rest it needed to recover. Together, my self-esteem was destroyed and my ability to function in [...]
What does living with PTSD mean to me? That’s both an easy question and a difficult one, mainly because while I could spout off a bunch of facts about what it is, the symptoms, causes, treatments, and all that, it’s much more personal to someone who suffers from it. Living with the trauma of being [...]
There have been many times where I thought death was the only option for me. Life didn’t seem like it was worth living anymore. From a young age, I had to start making lists of things and people that were important to me and made my life worth living. Those lists were always very small. [...]
When I was two years old, I began having “episodes” - bouts of extreme energy and activity with no discernible cause. I would cry to my parents, “Make it stop! Make it stop!” My parents felt helpless, unable to fully understand what I was asking them to do, given the limited descriptive abilities of a [...]
I’m standing in front of my closet, contemplating which outfits to plan for the week. This saves me time in the morning when I inevitably spend an extra half hour snuggling the cat in bed after my snooze button goes off three times. A sweatshirt would be ideal for today since it’s still in the [...]
This Mask I Wear I see the morning light coming through the window. I roll over, not wanting to get up. Not wanting to face another day, just like the last. How do I go on? Why do I go on? Everyone seems to be fine, seems to be moving forward. Completing tasks, talking with [...]
*BIG trigger warning on this post. Talks about Depression and has mention of some graphic suicidal thoughts and actions/ self harm. If you are easily triggered right now, I would not recommended reading this at all. * Unrelenting. Unforgiving. Empty. Hollow. Excruciatingly painful. Physically painful. Confusing. Heavy. Suffocating. Desperate. Lost. Isolated. This is what Depression [...]
Looking back on my life, I can see bipolar disorder woven through every piece of it. Though I was diagnosed at the age of 26, I now see that my disorder first manifested as debilitating anxiety in elementary school. Followed by what I believe to be bipolar mixed states and depression in middle school. Before [...]
