I remember driving over the Gold Star bridge as a child (the summer before the fifth grade), on the way to an art fair with my mom, and seeing him. He appeared to be standing on the opposite side of the fence of the bridge, and if I remember correctly he was wearing shorts. My [...]
I am staring at the scissors in my hands and I am shaking. I am twelve and I don’t know that I can simply take the screen out of the window. I assume that I have to cut it away. I assume that even ending my pain will be difficult. I assume that I cannot [...]
For everyone with depression, the experience is different. But you wouldn't know it from our societal image of the black dog. A million and one cookie-cutter 'signs and symptoms' pieces online, will blithely tell you the things to look for. Sleeping too much or not enough, isolating, lack of personal care and loss of interest, [...]
TINYLETTER.COM/CRYING Eve Peyser I began sending out a newsletter every time I cried because I thought it would be funny. A compulsive journaler obsessed with keeping track of my various mental health issues—depression, anxiety, severe suicidal ideation, ADHD—I never had much desire to keep any of my mental health issues a secret. Talking about what [...]
My heart is telling me I need to leave and get out of town. My stomach is so nervous, it is threatening to wage a war and force me to completely shut down. This stupid blinking line is taunting me, saying I’m too scared to write the about ripples of 2016 that shattered me. Why [...]
Depression: Thinking in Metaphors I am depressed. The realization comes barreling down on me like a truck with no brakes, slamming headlong as splinters and shards slice open my reality. But the doctor isn’t in the office today. And it’s the weekend. And the counselor has no available openings for months. And I realize that [...]
I am 34 years old and still feel like a kid when I engage my parents like this. I had called them and asked if I could come over and “talk about a few things.” What I want to talk about is me, mostly. This will be incredibly awkward. While we live in the same [...]
Locked Out Hopping onto the bathroom vanity made of fake marble, that my mother called elegant, I studied my face. The answer to my question had to be hiding somewhere in my features. Why wouldn't other kids play with me? With desperation, I searched my reflection for what made me unacceptable. Two slightly slanted green [...]
“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t help you.” “You just want me to admit that I am broken! You are looking for a reason to leave” “No. I am looking for a reason to stay.” Not everyone can can look at the exact moment when their lives changed. I am lucky. My partner Gray [...]
I would like to start off by saying I am one of the many people to be hindered in life by depression. Many people who don’t necessarily struggle with depression think of it as only being overly sad; I’m here to tell you that is far from the truth. Depression can come in many forms [...]
