Shame is a stronger, more-lasting emotion than love or grief. It’s can stain one’s soul in shades that never lighten or fade with time. Sex is so often the earliest lesson plan in shame. There are expectations and attitudes which are acceptable within contexts we learn through trial and error, standards to cleave to demonstrate [...]
I can remember sitting in my therapist’s office and feeling a distinct sense of loss. I had just been given a temporary and non-medical diagnosis of Cyclothymia. For months leading up to this moment I had been dealing with increasingly harder downswings followed by upswings of mania. Most of these episodes would happen over the [...]
March 2015 I trudged through the sand of Santa Monica Beach awaiting the celebration which was to ensue upon my arrival. The beach was filled with spectators as I went to the shore to set up shop. I laid out my beach towels and camouflaged workout gear. I scattered shells and crystals about with magic [...]
It’s Me, Isn’t It? My dream was to get a PhD. in Philosophy from either Vanderbilt or Princeton. I’d been accepted to both of their graduate / postgraduate programs. It was Spring. I had spent all my years since college saving and planning for this. My problems started out with a (relatively) simple emotional issue: [...]
*Trigger warning -self harm If you had told me I would be where I am today fifteen, ten, or five years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you. I was not always the light-hearted, employed, and (for the most part) stable writer that sits before you behind her mac screen. Quite the opposite - not so [...]
The Challenges of Being a Bipolar Author I’ve spent many, many years dealing with bipolar disorder. However, I’ve only spent a year as a bipolar author. All authors face challenges. Struggling to be published, meeting deadlines, promoting. I am now of the opinion that those of us dealing with bipolar disorder have a different battle [...]
Being Good At Living With Mental Illness Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Have It “How do you just talk to people so easily?” she asked me. “I’d be so anxious.” “That’s my secret,” I replied, pulling out my best Mark Ruffalo in The Avengers voice. “I’m always anxious.” I’m often told, especially by people in mental [...]
I majored in psychology, for a year or two at least, in college so I took plenty of psychology classes back in the early 90s. I remember taking one class in particular. It was called “Abnormal Psychology”. I remember learning about bipolar disorder and thinking, wait, other people don’t feel this way? Other, “normal”, people [...]
Bipolar. Manic depressive. Those were the only words I heard come out of my doctor’s mouth. Unstable. Mental case. Crazy. Insane. Those were the words that ran through my mind. I was sitting across from her at the desk. Those words were thrown in my face as if they meant nothing at all. That’s because she [...]
Oprah said that when something isn’t working right in our lives first the universe gives us a whisper, then a nudge, then a push, then a shove. Then we’ll get hit with a brick and if we still don’t listen an earthquake will come along and totally disrupt our lives. Well, I waited for the [...]
