DON’T BELIEVE MY SMILE: A COLLAGE I.“You’re not depressed,” my depressed friend said to me, laughing. Our hostess swept by with a tray of hors d’oeuvres and another friend, glass in hand, joined our circle. My friend was so sure about my mood, citing reasons like my extroversion, my smile. It wasn’t easy to insist, [...]
I knew something was wrong, even as I sat there shaking from the rage. This wasn't normal. I hadn't been this angry for awhile, not enough to shake and be numb and feel like I'm about to explode. My bipolar disorder was rearing its ugly head again. The slightest things set me off. More often [...]
Anxiety is an asshole... -Thoughts come to you at breakneck speed--the good and the bad. -You cannot sit still--even for what used to be your favorite activity. -Something bad is about to happen--you just don’t know what or when. -You’re exhausted but you cannot sleep--when you finally close your eyes, your dreams are laced with [...]
My Suicide Attempt Doesn’t Make Me Unlovable When I was fourteen years old, I tried to kill myself. Whether my brain chemistry, raging hormones, a recent breakup, or chronic low self-esteem were to blame, I can’t say for certain. Often, depression doesn’t seem to need a reason. Like an uninvited house guest, it simply shows [...]
There have been so many. Medicines. Diagnoses. Hospitals. It has been a rough five years. I am 19 years old. At 14, I started to hurt myself, and have disordered eating. I talked to my school counselor about how I wanted to die, and she finally sent me to my first hospital. I always seemed [...]
A Bicycle Saved My Life…. By Gene Bowen – Founder of Road Recovery I still relish memories of my first bike, a 1972 yellow Sting Ray Schwinn with a banana seat, and as a 8 year old kid, I certainly relished the independence it gave me. Long before I learned to drive, riding meant freedom [...]
I was 31 when I was first diagnosed with mental illness. I never ever expected it to happen to me (does anybody?) and it certainly wasn’t a label that I wanted. I had known that something was seriously wrong. Happiness, even for a moment, was becoming harder and harder to come by until it vanished [...]
On the day after Halloween in 2015, I found myself in a vacant lot alone and terrified after a nearly successful suicide attempt. Left sad, confused, angry and just plain exhausted from years of denying that I had a problem, that was the day that ultimately ended up saving my life. For years, I kept [...]
When I was three years old, my parents divorced. My mother, suffering from bipolar disorder and not knowing how she could raise a child on her own, attempted suicide. I have vivid memories of her return from the hospital: she was so sedated that she could not pick me up. With the dissolution of my [...]
I grew up in the ballet world, so it's impossible for me to remember a time when I wasn't highly conscious of my body size. As a recovered anorexic, many people assume that ballet must be the sole cause of my years-long battle with an eating disorder — but it's far from that simple. I [...]
