In October of 2004, I was the first police officer on the scene of a fatal motor vehicle collision. Within the first few minutes of being at the scene, I quickly discovered that the seriously injured driver was a close friend. He died in my arms as I was performing CPR on him. I coped [...]
He needs a father figure! You're a bad mother! He needs more discipline! Are a few phrases that became a huge part of my life in 2009. At that time, I was recently divorced and a single mother with two handsome boys. My youngest was 3 years old and my oldest was 10; when our [...]
This summer has been difficult for me… You’re probably giving me a weird look, aren’t you? Well, guess what – I don’t care. It’s the truth. There hasn’t really been a schedule to my days. I didn’t go anywhere unless I had a medical appointment. I was at home, with my brother, all day long. [...]
I am honoured to have been recently asked by the international, non-profit organization Stigma Fighters to share my mental health story with them and their followers. The only requirement being that it be told in 1000 words or less…gulp…I’m always up for a challenge! I hope that by sharing my story with fellow mental illness [...]
Finding Ways to Control and Cope with Anxiety When I was in high school, my friends and I used to tease my dad mercilessly. Whenever one of my siblings or I wanted to go out, he would ask the same set of questions: “Where are you going? Who’s going to be there? What are you [...]
A handful of pills, alcohol, and a full bathtub. That's all I need. I had the perfect plan to finally give me peace. I climbed in to relax, tossed my pills in my mouth, drank and relaxed waiting for bliss to take hold, that moment when oblivion would release me from my nightmares. I've always [...]
Recovery by Walking with a Pug and a Friend in the Rain... About a month back, I went for a walk around the outside of the Missouri Botanical Gardens. It was an overcast morning, and I was feeling somewhat depressed and anxious about my personal life and career life. I called my friend C. He [...]
Superwoman Has Left the Building “Why am I the one always left to do the cleanup? It wasn’t me who made this mess!” I view the aftermath of a hypomanic episode with horror and disgust. “Um, actually, it was you . . . .” Oh. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde merge back into one fucked-up [...]
Living with a Spouse with Borderline Personality Disorder Late night. Full mind. Emptier bed, but not totally. She sleeps peacefully, finally. After the repeated questions, "When is mommy coming home?" "Soon," I reply. "In a few days. Don't worry." I worry. I'm always worried. Full mind. Emptier bed. Hard to decipher the feelings. Anger, disappointment, [...]
If my mental illness was my name, then I would have to be introduced: Bipolar Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and Short-term Auditory Memory Dysfunction. A mouthful to be sure, and not a name I’m too chummy with. Then there is one that I rarely tell anyone. It’s the reason [...]
