They always came at night. They fed on darkness and fear. The dimly lit corners of my bedroom served as their concealment, and allowed my imagination to create all sorts of sinister apparitions that left me sleepless night after night. I was 5 years old and plagued with anxiety. But at 5, my developing brain [...]
I started writing a piece that was chronologically setting out my story. But it was hard to write something coherent enough. Besides, this isn’t supposed to be my life history. So we’ll stick to just a few bits and pieces. I was formally diagnosed with clinical depression in 2004. However in hindsight it probably started [...]
I was told one time that I am not depressed. Apparently, I am a good faker. I wonder if I should have insisted and explained. Instead I just let it go and said that I must be better, and wasn’t that cool. Idiot. It’s so hard to remain up all the time. I try to [...]
The Melting Point Of The Sky Imagine being so mentally and physically exhausted that the idea of making a cup of instant coffee in the microwave feels an insurmountable task. That’s where I’ve been the past several weeks. My brain has been like an engine trying to run without oil— and we all know what [...]
A troubled existence — Thoughts of an emerging writer Since graduating in 2011, the way I began to analyze the world had changed, it’s transformed. You look at the world with open eyes, only, the canvas is wider. A different world. One you are unknown of it’s true existence. There was a strong sense of [...]
When I was fourteen years old, I was raped by a junior at a New Year's Eve party. Everybody knew about it. Or they thought they did. Or I thought they did. Whatever the case was, I spent a few days struggling with the emotional fallout, and tried to take my own life. This was [...]
I have depression. I have had it for nearly 25 years. Depression is not just a feeling of worthlessness or hopelessness. It’s about completely losing your identity to an illness that wants to destroy every last piece of you. It overtakes you. It is enveloping, engulfing, smothering, suffocating, and destructive. I can physically feel a [...]
Most people who meet me would never believe that not all that long ago I stood on chair with a rope tied around my neck. That not all that long ago I tilted my head back and downed a few bottles worth of pills. That I begged for death on a daily basis and tried [...]
On any given evening around 4:30pm, you will find me standing in front of the stove cooking some wondrous creation. Or most likely meatballs and spaghetti. I dress in my finest plaid fleece lounge pants paired with one of my 800 hoodies. My hair may or may not be clean, but most definitely not brushed. Same [...]
On Choosing Life When my mom made an appointment for me to talk to a therapist after my boyfriend and my father died within four months of each other, it instigated yet another explosive argument. “I'm not crazy,” I shrieked at her. I did a lot of shrieking back then. I was so terrified of the [...]